放. 逐
沒有想像中很dramatic 地丟下信封然後抽身就走的激動，也沒有瞪大眼睛問十萬個爲什麽的不惑，九十分鐘兩次面談然後最後一句祝福，一切淡然地隨順因緣發生，若然沒有大變卦，今年十月會是新的一頁。
緣起工作上無法突破的瓶頸，數年間一直徘徊在不高不低的位置上，停滯不前的處境為今天換跑道埋下伏筆。不過，打從心底想，就算從一份工作換到另外一份工作，也無法跳出mundane生活的框框，心坎裏彷彿總有一塊missing puzzle有待填補。
去年報讀佛學碩士，還沒開學我就已經盤算讀完書之後的next step，期間對於生命意義的思考一直沒停過。面對剛剛開始的人生下半場，除了吃喝玩樂，直覺還有更多可能在等著我。開學後這份感覺越加強烈，有一次跟V閒聊這次從返校園的得著，我說某種蛻變（transformation/ metamorphosis）正在醖釀中，最終目的地還不曉得，我也很好奇這份calling會帶我往哪兒去。
千萬不能小看一個念頭，世事皆由念頭開始，因緣條件和合，種子便會自然萌芽成長，全球成千上萬個志願機構，天曉得是什麽力量彷彿自動把我牽引到Amitofo Care Centre，對我來說，非洲+佛教+孤兒 = 探索+理念+希望。朋友F是我透露想去非洲當義工的第一人，我還記得是2010年11月Thich Nhat Hanh的生活營，輾轉大半年，今天種子發芽了，我邁出這一步。
我也怕一時衝動套進self-fantasizing的夢幻國度，上月底獨自先跑去Malawi生活了一個多星期，那天下午王伯伯對我說：「不管是衝動、感動還是心動，關鍵是行動。許多人說要來，但因緣不足結果還是沒來成，你今天人來到這裡，很難得，哪怕只留兩個星期，回去的時候你已經不一樣了。同一當下地球發生不同故事，給自己機會去看不一樣的故事。」
那天晚上，我收拾行李，把大部分的衣服和日用品放到另一個行李袋，臨走時對他們說：「如果四個月後我沒回來，請把裏面的都捐出去；若然看見我回來，便還給我，我會用上一年的。」心底裏，我覺得會回來的。
我不是偉人，也不是Mother Theresa，只是碰巧各種條件剛好成熟，碰巧小朋友給我機會去行慈悲而已，而且誠如父母與上司所憂心的，所謂浪漫理想終歸還得回到現實。腳踏實地，這點我很明白，我不是要雲上跳舞，想要的是暫且放下一切，在非洲大地追逐奔馳，從這片日出晨曦開始。
沒有懷疑過你的決定，深信你一直知道想要些什麼。恭喜將快有新的一頁。
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支持你的決定!!!
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當你真心想在一個地方安住下來時，你會找到答案來解除你的疑惑。
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十萬個支持！好好體驗生命的呼招吧！
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身邊有你這個菩薩道行者，與有榮焉 !!
C Hing 隨喜你 !!
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Glad to see you follow your heart, support! You are my hero.
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很有勇氣的決定, 祝你萬事安好!
支持支持!
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佩服你浪漫而有勇氣的決定，期待你分享新故事!! Cheers!
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很佩服你的勇氣及所作的決定.信仰是活的.願你從生活中活出佛來.有捨才有得.願你往後的生活能得到更多.
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Dear Keith,
I admire your courage and situation which allows you to follow your heart.
Your sharing generates resonance to me. Being a female (myself) at this age, feeling stuck in the middle in an organization, can't go pass the
glass ceiling and unclear about what I want to do next, my head also has been spinning for a while already to find my way out. Shall I stay in IT field? Shall I start something new? Shall I stay home and be a housewife to spend more time with my kids? Why is it so soon that my career hascome to an end already? Why am I not good enough to get higher? What if I devote more to get into THE circle? Is it normal for us to get to this unclear situation when getting to this age? Is it because when we know enough not to be fooled while not enough to be clear about next?
Love to hear more of your sharing to learn from your experience of choosing that path.
For myself, I am still thinking. There is a good chance I may take up a new path also, which is less dramatic to my family. It is to try an internal transfer to another department for 6-12 months to start a new challenge. Partially because I still believe this should not be an end YET. I still have more potential to be found and developed.
Will keep you posted on what happen to me next. Stay in touch.
Love you,
Joan
Swaper 89
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